Dealing With Your Husband's Hanky Panky

It doesn't matter if you call it hanky panky or adultery or cheating, it has the same effect of ruining your marriage and life. The simple fact of the matter is that your lying and cheating husband made a poor decision to put his selfish pleasures ahead of you and your marriage. So what should you do next in dealing with your husband's cheating?

There are some very serious questions that you will need answered to help you recover from the hanky panky your husband decided to get involved with.

• Has the affair ended or is it still going on?
• Is this the only person your husband is cheating with?
• Is there a chance that your husband has fathered another child?
• Was your husband practicing safe sex while engaging in the hanky panky?
• Does your husband love the person he was cheating with and does he still love you?
• Is his intention to work things out or end the marriage?
• Who else in your circle of family and friends knows about his hanky panky?
• Has he had affairs in the past?
• How could he do this to you and your family?

I'm sure you have more of your own questions that you need answers to regarding your husband's adulterous behavior. One of the important steps in the healing and recovery process is getting comfortable talking about the affair and getting to the point where you trust and respect your husband again.

You will not have an easy time talking about the hanky panky. The anger and resentment and bitterness will rise up in you every time he starts talking or mumbling words. Pretty much anything he says or does will disgust you but eventually you will be able to tolerate his presence because you need to.

What's the first step in recovering from his hanky panky?

I would say the first step in dealing with infidelity is putting together a plan for handling the emotional roller coaster you are now on. A good way to do this is by making a list of what you need to move the relationship forward. What I would put on my list is the following;

1. What I wanted to know about the affair.
2. What I need to see in order to be able to trust my cheating partner again.
3. What boundaries I might request to ensure that I'm comfortable he isn't still cheating.
4. Who else I might want to confide in about his hanky panky.
5. What it will take for you to sleep with him again, if that's your desire.
6. When do I need to feel progress is being made or else.

Those are just a few questions to consider, when trying to recover from your husband's hanky panky. You probably have a list of your own questions. The idea behind putting together a list is to get organized and prepared to deal with this most difficult relationship issue. What you don't want to be doing is being wasting time and energy doing things that are not productive in helping you recover from the affair. If it's not important or on your list, don't spend time on it.